Well, it’s been a long time coming, fellow nerds and nerdettes. This week we finally get our long-awaited and almost-delayed/canned movie adaptation of one of the classic graphic novels. Alan Moore’s epic “Watchmen”. Okay, I’m really being facetious. Watchmen, as a comic, is pretty ordinary by modern standards. It was innovative in the 80s, and the story is interesting, but it’s still very comic-book-y and simplified for a mass audience. If you want the “Citizen Kane of Graphic Novels” you should be reading Maus or some other materwork that happens to be a visual novel, not a drawn-out “superhero” comic that has pretences of greatness because it gave some dark flair (read: emotional flaws) to the main characters. But I digress, before Alan Moore and his fanboy minions start gathering outside my door with pitchforks in hand.
I enjoyed the “novel”, so I was looking forward to the movie. I felt the visual style of the book could lend itself well to the big screen, and the film doesn’t disappoint. Aside from the usual “dammit I can see all the CGI effects” that plagues modern filmmaking, the movie is a visual tour-de-force. Which is damn well should be; it’s a movie based on a comic for chrissake. The pains that were taken to match the visuals of the comic are impressive; even the actors are near-perfect visual recreations of the originals. Most of the scenes are frame-for-frame recreations of the panels, complete with original dialogue. The novel was the script, for good or ill. The movie retains the punchy (read: terse and clichéd) dialogue of the novel, which makes the film seem overly simplified. Especially if you have never read the novel; to fans, it’s probably just what they wanted.
So the dialogue isn’t perfect… And neither is some of the acting. Silk Spectre I and II both come off as wooden characters, with zero chemistry in the “emotional” family scenes. Sally/Silk Spectre I is particularly cringe-inducing, taking what was already a dull portion of the novel (the mother-daughter banter) and making it painfully dreadful with a Keanu Reeves phone-in performance. John/Dr. Manhattan is appropriately distant (he is an omnipotent demi-god who lost touch with humanity, after all) but still irritating as a character – you won’t have much sympathy with the portrayal of Dr. Manhattan, even though the novel makes a good effort at showing his underlying humanity and how his human life (emotion) was destroyed by the accident that made him a super man. On the plus side, Walter/Rorschach is appropriately psychotic, Dan/Nite Owl II is a good insecure middle-aged single guy, Edward/Comedian has a detached and grizzled exterior hiding a collapsing psyche, and Adrian/Ozymandias is a pitch perfect representation of narcissistic hubris (in effect outdoing the novel, where he was more of a benign pretty-boy character until the denouement and ending, where his self-absorbed quasi-evil shows through). Bit roles are well played as well, with some big (Canadian) names showing up as Moloch and Hollis/Nite Owl I; overall the bit players really help to hold up the movie as a whole, which says a lot about the drabness of the main actors. A perfect representation of Lee Iacocca gets his brains blown out too – if that is not a perfect reason to see a movie, I don’t know what is.
Beyond the dry bits, there is plenty of top-tier action and over-the-top violence to keep the Frank Miller crowd happy. In fact, the violence is quite astounding, even compared to the original novel. Nothing is left to the imagination; Dr. Manhattan blows enemies up in a shower of gore and bone, baddies get their limb broken in compound-fracture fashion, and the “angle grinder” scene will give anyone who isn’t a horror junkie the willies. It wasn’t necessary by any means; you would think that in the post-Hitchcock world we would be accustomed to having things left to the imagination (especially in a film that isn’t a slasher flick by any means). Then again, Zack Snyder did direct 300, which had all the subtlety and grace of an axe through your temple. Speaking of subtlety, why in the name of holy fuck did Snyder insist on making us sit through minutes of watching Dr. Manhattan’s little John waving to and fro? I don’t think we will ever know the answer. Be warned, homophobes, there is plenty of blue-CGI dick waving action in several key scenes.
Music is probably the weakest part of the film. Here we go with subtlety again; the choice of music ranges from odd to self-deprecatingly awful, and the soundtrack is WAY too loud in some scenes. Period pop music abounds, and it is sometimes hilarious. Watching the Comedian crack rioter’s skulls to disco tunes (it’s the 70s! Geddit?) is either sheer comedy or stupidity beyond reproach. Take it as you will. I thought it was funny, most people think it was just awful.
Spoiler alert!
The ending has caused a lot of consternation among the fanboy crowd. Snyder axed the original “giant alien squid that isn’t really alien” blowing up New York ending in favour of Veidt/Ozymandias framing Dr. Manhattan for a series of explosions in major cities around the world. Some have suggested this new ending makes more sense; it does, if you compare it to the original ending. Show a giant squid materializing in downtown New York to someone who never read the novel, and you’ll have some major explaining to do. The novel has plenty of time to hint at what is brewing so it makes sense when it occurs; the movie does nothing to hint at what is coming, aside from Veidt and Dr. Manhattan collaborating on a power reactor design. The problem with this ending is it makes no sense from a character standpoint – why would Dr. Manhattan suddenly turn on the world? Because he was a little cranky over a bad interview? Because he wanted to teach everyone a valuable lesson about playing nice lest they face the apocalypse? Because he was just a big prick (no pun intended)? That’s my explanation, based on how little sympathy the character garners in the film. It seems out of place, but it’s probably as best as we can expect. Giant squid thing probably would have been worse, unless they added another 20 minutes of scenes to explain the development of the squid by Veidt. Oh well, we nerds can win ‘em all.
Overall the movie isn’t perfect, but it’s worth watching. The visuals and action are great, the alternate 1980s are well presented, and it’s true to the novel. On the downside, a lot of the acting blows, the music is dumb as shit bricks, subtlety is not in Zack Snyder vocabulary, and the ending is odd. I enjoyed myself, but I wasn’t expecting much. Keep your expectations low and you might enjoy it too.
PS – if you go for only one reason, aside from watching Lee Iaccoca get shot, go for the opening credits. They are sheer brilliance, and probably the best part of the whole film. Sad to say, but it’s true. I will be seeing it again next weekend, mainly for those credits. And Iaccoca’s death. Honestly, why didn’t they get the real Iacocca on board? He would have been great at getting shot in the face.
I give it three Patsies; I would have given it four if the real Iaccoca had gotten shot in the face.
