Capsule Review: Watchmen - The Movie

Well, it’s been a long time coming, fellow nerds and nerdettes. This week we finally get our long-awaited and almost-delayed/canned movie adaptation of one of the classic graphic novels. Alan Moore’s epic “Watchmen”. Okay, I’m really being facetious. Watchmen, as a comic, is pretty ordinary by modern standards. It was innovative in the 80s, and the story is interesting, but it’s still very comic-book-y and simplified for a mass audience. If you want the “Citizen Kane of Graphic Novels” you should be reading Maus or some other materwork that happens to be a visual novel, not a drawn-out “superhero” comic that has pretences of greatness because it gave some dark flair (read: emotional flaws) to the main characters. But I digress, before Alan Moore and his fanboy minions start gathering outside my door with pitchforks in hand.

I enjoyed the “novel”, so I was looking forward to the movie. I felt the visual style of the book could lend itself well to the big screen, and the film doesn’t disappoint. Aside from the usual “dammit I can see all the CGI effects” that plagues modern filmmaking, the movie is a visual tour-de-force. Which is damn well should be; it’s a movie based on a comic for chrissake. The pains that were taken to match the visuals of the comic are impressive; even the actors are near-perfect visual recreations of the originals. Most of the scenes are frame-for-frame recreations of the panels, complete with original dialogue. The novel was the script, for good or ill. The movie retains the punchy (read: terse and clichéd) dialogue of the novel, which makes the film seem overly simplified. Especially if you have never read the novel; to fans, it’s probably just what they wanted.

So the dialogue isn’t perfect… And neither is some of the acting. Silk Spectre I and II both come off as wooden characters, with zero chemistry in the “emotional” family scenes. Sally/Silk Spectre I is particularly cringe-inducing, taking what was already a dull portion of the novel (the mother-daughter banter) and making it painfully dreadful with a Keanu Reeves phone-in performance. John/Dr. Manhattan is appropriately distant (he is an omnipotent demi-god who lost touch with humanity, after all) but still irritating as a character – you won’t have much sympathy with the portrayal of Dr. Manhattan, even though the novel makes a good effort at showing his underlying humanity and how his human life (emotion) was destroyed by the accident that made him a super man.  On the plus side, Walter/Rorschach is appropriately psychotic, Dan/Nite Owl II is a good insecure middle-aged single guy, Edward/Comedian has a detached and grizzled exterior hiding a collapsing psyche, and Adrian/Ozymandias is a pitch perfect representation of narcissistic hubris (in effect outdoing the novel, where he was more of a benign pretty-boy character until the denouement and ending, where his self-absorbed quasi-evil shows through). Bit roles are well played as well, with some big (Canadian) names showing up as Moloch and Hollis/Nite Owl I; overall the bit players really help to hold up the movie as a whole, which says a lot about the drabness of the main actors. A perfect representation of Lee Iacocca gets his brains blown out too – if that is not a perfect reason to see a movie, I don’t know what is.

Beyond the dry bits, there is plenty of top-tier action and over-the-top violence to keep the Frank Miller crowd happy. In fact, the violence is quite astounding, even compared to the original novel. Nothing is left to the imagination; Dr. Manhattan blows enemies up in a shower of gore and bone,  baddies get their limb broken in compound-fracture fashion, and the “angle grinder” scene will give anyone who isn’t a horror junkie the willies.  It wasn’t necessary by any means; you would think that in the post-Hitchcock world we would be accustomed to having things left to the imagination (especially in a film that isn’t a slasher flick by any means). Then again, Zack Snyder did direct 300, which had all the subtlety and grace of an axe through your temple. Speaking of subtlety, why in the name of holy fuck did Snyder insist on making us sit through minutes of watching Dr. Manhattan’s little John waving to and fro? I don’t think we will ever know the answer. Be warned, homophobes, there is plenty of blue-CGI dick waving action in several key scenes.

Music is probably the weakest part of the film. Here we go with subtlety again; the choice of music ranges from odd to self-deprecatingly awful, and the soundtrack is WAY too loud in some scenes. Period pop music abounds, and it is sometimes hilarious. Watching the Comedian crack rioter’s skulls to disco tunes (it’s the 70s! Geddit?) is either sheer comedy or stupidity beyond reproach. Take it as you will. I thought it was funny, most people think it was just awful. 

Spoiler alert!

The ending has caused a lot of consternation among the fanboy crowd. Snyder axed the original “giant alien squid that isn’t really alien” blowing up New York ending in favour of Veidt/Ozymandias framing Dr. Manhattan for a series of explosions in major cities around the world. Some have suggested this new ending makes more sense; it does, if you compare it to the original ending. Show a giant squid materializing in downtown New York to someone who never read the novel, and you’ll have some major explaining to do. The novel has plenty of time to hint at what is brewing so it makes sense when it occurs; the movie does nothing to hint at what is coming, aside from Veidt and Dr. Manhattan collaborating on a power reactor design. The problem with this ending is it makes no sense from a character standpoint – why would Dr. Manhattan suddenly turn on the world? Because he was a little cranky over a bad interview? Because he wanted to teach everyone a valuable lesson about playing nice lest they face the apocalypse? Because he was just a big prick (no pun intended)? That’s my explanation, based on how little sympathy the character garners in the film. It seems out of place, but it’s probably as best as we can expect. Giant squid thing probably would have been worse, unless they added another 20 minutes of scenes to explain the development of the squid by Veidt. Oh well, we nerds can win ‘em all.

Overall the movie isn’t perfect, but it’s worth watching. The visuals and action are great, the alternate 1980s are well presented, and it’s true to the novel. On the downside, a lot of the acting blows, the music is dumb as shit bricks, subtlety is not in Zack Snyder vocabulary, and the ending is odd. I enjoyed myself, but I wasn’t expecting much. Keep your expectations low and you might enjoy it too.

PS – if you go for only one reason, aside from watching Lee Iaccoca get shot, go for the opening credits. They are sheer brilliance, and probably the best part of the whole film. Sad to say, but it’s true. I will be seeing it again next weekend, mainly for those credits. And Iaccoca’s death. Honestly, why didn’t they get the real Iacocca on board? He would have been great at getting shot in the face.

I give it three Patsies; I would have given it four if the real Iaccoca had gotten shot in the face.

 

 

Capsule Review: M-Audio Revolution 7.1 PCI Soundcard

When it comes to Mac-compatible sound cards, M-Audio is pretty much the only game in town. Oh sure, Creative made a Mac SoundBlaster a few years back, but it was quickly forgotten and no longer has driver updates. So for current tech that is designed for Macs and has extensive support, M-Audio is the only option. And, as you will now hear, it’s a goodun.

I picked up a Revolution 7.1 to bump up the sound quality on my Power Mac G4. Oddly, when I got the Power Mac, I found it had poor sound quality compared to my iBook G4, which was a bit newer and had a better onboard soundcard. This just wouldn’t do, because I love top-quality audio, and my Harmon Kardon speakers beg for a decent sound output. I’m an amateur audiophile; I can’t make music to save my life, but I can tell the difference between a 192kps recording and one with 256 or 320kps by ear. 128-160kps sound like crap to my ears. So I’m more sensitive to sound quality than the average schmuck. And I believe that qualifies me to give a brief review of the Revolution 7.1 I stuck into my Mac. Don’t argue with me, I’m on a roll.

A bit long in the tooth now, the R 7.1 is a solid soundcard, and got very good reviews when it was released around 2004. I paid about 110$ for it, locally, but you can get them for as little as 25$ on Fleabay if you are so inclined. Either way, it is worth your money.

For your money you get full 7.1 support through individual 3.5mm jacks. Also provided is a digital output port if you happen to have that capability. For me, I don’t even have a 7.1 system. Or 5.1. Nope, I make do with a set of H/K 2.1 “Champagne” speakers. Speakers that were considered middle-of-the-road to above average by most reviewers. With the R 7.1, that changes.

With the latest drivers you get a comprehensive set of presets for various speaker systems, including my Champagnes. Setting the output for this preset, then fiddling with the surround sound and “trubass” settings revealed that my humble old speakers had amazing capabilities. Sound clarity is perfect, bass is crisp while still throwing out some serious wall rattling power, and the surround sound works brilliantly. It’s quite eerie to sit between two speakers and suddenly become enveloped in three-dimensional sound, as if you had a true surround system – except this is entirely through the software. Amazing. It gave my H/Ks a new lease on life. I was fist pumping with the pure joy that only an equally crazy audio nut will understand. The sound quality exceeded my expectations, and blew me away. I never thought I could extract such rich sound from such simple speakers.

But there is a caveat. Actually two. You see, the R 7.1, despite being a dedicated sound card, actually consumes more processing power than the onboard card. I clocked the difference at nearly 10% more (as in 10% more of the processing speed, not a 10% increase) for the R 7.1. So don’t expect this to speed up your old computer by taking sound processing off the motherboard. The other problem is audio artefacts – on a regular basis I get the odd pop, click or warble. Usually when I start a video or sound file; the worst, however, is when I pause a movie in Quicktime, then restart it only to have the sound completely garbled. To fix it requires restarting Quicktime. I recently updated to the latest drivers, but I’m still getting minor artefacts. It’s not enough to dissuade me completely, however. The sound quality is so damn good I am willing to overlook this rather apparent flaw. But the final score reflects this problem.

I give it three and half Patsies. The audio flaws are irritating and the price is high, but you don’t have much choice when it comes to Mac compatible stuff, and the sound quality is mind blowing once you get it dialled in for your speaker setup. Recommended.

Historian's Corner Capsule Review: The World at War Series

This review is the first of a series of “capsule reviews” of whatever I feel like commenting on. In this, the first instalment, I will be reviewing the Time Life World At War DVD series.

My review is summarized by a rating out of five Patsies, the worst being half a Patsy, the best being five Patsies:

 

The internationally recognized, SAE approved Patsy scale

My rating is entirely subjective and not based on any particular criteria; it’s just whatever the hell I feel like giving.

So enjoy, turkeys.

I.A.

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The World At War, Time Life

If you watch any history channels, you may have come across an advertisement from Time Life for a DVD collection featuring rare footage from the Second World War. It touts how this footage is grisly, graphic and unique, and portrays the DVD set as a sort of compendium of stock footage. 

This is severely underselling The World At War series, a 1970s British documentary series that followed the events of the Second World War using new footage, eyewitness accounts, and a sombre historical narrative provided by Sir Laurence Olivier. I find it odd (actually, disturbing) that Time Life sells the set as a sort of voyeuristic compendium of graphic footage for history nuts, rather than as the solid and acclaimed documentary series it is. 

Clocking in at almost 30 hours, including the “bonus” materials (a few extra documentary episodes that recycle some of the testimony and expand upon in - particularly the interview with Hitler’s personal secretary, and a standalone two-part overview of the Final Solution), this series is a massive undertaking for the average viewer. Thankfully, it is very well presented. The events are distilled to their historical essence, in easy-to-digest 1 hour episodes. There is no high-falutin’ historical theory here – this is the straight, “popular” history of the Second World War, and that’s not a bad thing. It makes the series accessible to most anyone, and it provides a refreshingly simple refresher course in the war for us historians who have spent years poring over dry academic articles. Indeed, the talking-head portions are devoted to eyewitnesses, civilians, and combatants – not historians who never had a bomb fall on their house, or see their buddies get disembowelled by a machine gun. This is a strong point in my eyes; I’m quite tired of having a third party mediate history, and I quite enjoy being able to listen to the testimony of ordinary people who were involved, however flawed their views may be (more on that in a bit).

The selling point, unique footage, is certainly present. Much use is made of film from the war, completely overshadowing the odd talking head moments (thank God, because nothing kills the flow of a documentary like five minutes of staring at someone’s face). There is a plethora of colour footage here, and a lot of film you won’t see anywhere else. Sometimes it is graphic and stomach turning; colour footage of dismembered corpses lying on a battlefield, or the sight of a doctor sawing off a soldier’s leg in a field hospital, these are not sights for the faint of heart. Even seasoned film viewers like myself get a little queasy, because these are real people with real injuries, not actors with special effects.

The focus is clearly on the British and American side of the war, with the bulk of the series focussing on the European theatre. This is the main flaw of the series; the Pacific front is given a few episodes but it feels like it has been tacked on, and there are even some jarring racial stereotypes that belittle the Japanese as a people (remember this was made in the 1970s). Nothing is made of the contributions of Canadians, or the exiled armies of the conquered territories, or Australia, or… Well, you get the idea. Thankfully Germany is well represented, for good or ill, so it is not an entirely one-sided presentation.

The most disturbing moments sometimes come from the interviewees. One in particular stands out; Major Otto Ernst Remer (now infamous as the man who tried to carry out Operation Valkyrie arrests only to be stopped by Goebbels when he was put on the phone with a not-at-all-dead Hitler) is interviewed in several episodes. A curt and curmudgeonly old man, surrounded by relics of his service in the war, Remer vehemently denies the Holocaust on camera and generally upholds the stereotype of a German following orders without question and without remorse. It’s a sobering moment, and the series is full of them - like when a Berlin woman states, in emotionless fashion and without warning, that she was raped by a Russian soldier. Or when a victim of a cull recounts how she was shot and left for dead in a pile of bodies. These are the testimonies that make the series truly fascinating, in giving the all-important human element to the proceedings.

At around 40$ for the full set, including bonus features (which aren’t really that noteworthy, as they often recycle things from the main series), The World At War DVD set comes highly recommended. Flaws and all, it’s an excellent series that should be examined by everyone – whether you are a history buff or not. It’s an excellent summary of the war and does an admirable job of presenting the human elements.

I give it four Patsies, with reservations – namely the Europe-heavy focus and the recycled bonus features. Not to mention the tasteless way Time Life markets the series.