I'd comment, but I'm too busy cleaning my Mossberg and checking the barricades in my house.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
You Can Shave the Baby
I'm at a total loss. My ears are bleeding from trying to think of something witty to write.
Surrealist Snowglobes
The works of Martin and Paloma Münoz have really grabbed my attention. Modifying snowglobes with what appear to be model railroad figures, they create scenes of oddity, the uncanny, and downright surrealism. Fantastic stuff.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Jane Austen is Rolling Over in Her Grave - Literally
May I present to you what will go probably down in history as the finest piece of butchered English literature ever created. Behold! "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". No, it's not a photoshop, or some silly joke. It's Pride and Prejudice, rewritten to include a zombie plague and wanton undead slaughtering action.
I wonder if it is as good as "Deadly Copperfield" or the seminal "The Old Man and the Undead of the Sea". We'll have to see if it gets Oprah's seal of approval.
Lesbian Feminist Sasquatch Community
http://torontocraftalert.blogspot.com/2009/01/exibition-allyson-mitchell-ladies.html
When I heard about this exhibit on the CBC, I had to look it up. A feminist artist, Allyson Mitchell, has made an installation of female sasquatch sculptures. What got me was the description of the exhibit by the CBC as of a lesbian feminist community, which makes it sound like a sort of Pacific forest amazon community of hairy man haters, female figures inserted into a male mythos. I don't mean to put down the exhibit, as my specialty in art historical studies was feminist theory and gender relations, but really - lesbian feminist sasquatches? Kudos to Mitchell for coming up with something that really grabs a headline and gets people talking.
I should note that the "lesbian" bit didn't come from the exhibit synopsis, it was added by the (male) commentator on the CBC. Maybe that says something about the perception of lesbian culture. Hairy she-sasquatches sounds like a reflection of lesbian stereotypes more than a celebration of lesbian culture or a challenge to said stereotypes. But then again, "feminist" art / theory has never been anywhere near unified in its approach, and I expect that this exhibit will raise the ire of some within the artistic community as well as the uninformed public. Perhaps that is the whole point. Art is nothing if it can't raise some eyebrows and get people talking.
I.A.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Obama Makes Bogart Proud
Sometimes it's nice to see that public figures are human. This casual shot of Obama has endeared me to him even more. Maybe I disagree with some of his policies (guns, and green, specifically) but as a fellow smoker, my hat is off to Mr. Obama. Okay, so the media has shit all over him for being a nicotine fiend, but I suppose that is to be expected in this smoking-is-evil day in age. Yes, it's superficial. But we smokers have to stick together, dammit.
It just goes to show how something irrelevant can make a celebrity more appealing. Obama and I probably share absolutely nothing in common, but we both smoke - thus we are peas in a pod. Silly, yes. But anyone who knows human nature will understand that the appeal of minor foibles or similarities between the public and a figure is a powerful tool, however pointless it may appear.
Keep on smoking in the free world, Barack. Never mind the media and the ire of the anti-smoking nazis. I'm right behind you. Just don't run, I get winded easily.
I.A.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
RIP T-Shirt Hell, 2001-2009
Well, it's finally happened. The great bastion of politically incorrect, deliciously offensive t-shirtery is about to go under. As of right now, you have two weeks to get in on the legend of T-Shirt Hell before it's gone forever. I supposed this was inevitable, what with T-Shirt Hell's highly offensive content. And so much for freedom of speech, or the freedom to have a laugh at someone else's expense.
A quick scan of the owner's diatribe explaining the closure cites the idiocy of the market as the main reason. He says it is no longer fun to run the business, and he's sick of the two groups he often has to deal with - morons who don't understand the irony of the works and send him bitter complaints and threats, and morons who just like shirts with the word "fuck" on them.
Historian’s Corner: Six Things You Probably Didn’t Know About WWII
Believe it or don’t, dear readers, but yours truly’s fancy degree says he is trained as a historian. Not that I consider myself much of a historian, at best I remember the most uselessly trivial details of history. I don’t remember who led the Stalingrad offensive, but I do know that German soldiers sawed the feet off frozen Soviet bodies to get their boots. Such is the extent of my historical prowess – which I will now share with you in this first of a series of “Things You Probably Didn’t Know”, my compendium of trivia and interesting historical oddities that stand out in my mind, but are generally overlooked by everyone else.
Today, budding historians, we will be talking about dubya dubya two. With the renewed interest in WWII spurred on by the recent release of Valkyrie (a good historically accurate film, if not the most thrilling action movie), I figure this is as good a time as any to share my useless knowledge with you lot.
I.A.
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1. Hitler was a teetotaling vegetarian:
Some have heard of this tidbit of info about the personality of the most evil dictator in history. Indeed, it is true – no urban legends or wartime propaganda here. Hitler was completely opposed to drinking, smoking, and didn’t eat meat, one of the great ironies of history – the most evil individual the world has known had a strict code of purity in his habits. He went so far as to completely oppose drinking and smoking in his presence, and he had his meals specially prepared by a personal chef. Some argue that Hitler was not a true vegetarian, instead cutting meat from his diet due to digestive problems, but the fact remains he did not eat meat – whether you love animals or not, if you don’t eat meat you are by definition a vegetarian. I guess vegites are a little sensitive about comparisons to the architect of the holocaust.
Despite this, there is considerable evidence that Hitler was a drug addict – witnesses report that he received daily injections from a private physician, and historians have surmised he may have been getting some sort of morphine cocktail to keep him going despite failing health and fatigue. There was even a secret programme that funded production of a mysterious drug that was buried in the Nazi archives. Most of this is speculation, but it has a strong basis in fact. It would not be a stretch to imagine that Hitler was a hypocrite, after all.
2. The Soviets used anti-tank dog-bombs:
One of the oddest weapons to see use in WWII was the infamous Soviet dog bomb. Long before the advent of PETA Russian dogs were trained to dive under tanks, and once they had mastered this suicidal tendency a large bomb backpack was strapped to them with an antenna sticking straight up to serve as a contact detonator. The idea might have worked, except for one problem – the Soviets trained the dogs using their own tanks. They didn’t count on the dogs being clever enough to recognize a Soviet tank and dive under it, instead of the German tanks they were supposed to blow up. Whoops. Thus the program was discontinued after limited battlefield use.
3. Dora, the biggest gun of all time:
The biggest artillery piece of all time was built by the Germans around 1941. In fact, they built two of them – Schwerer Gustav and Dora. Using conventional artillery technology of a shell fired by a powder charge, just scaled to big-ass proportions, the two guns had 800mm calibres and fired a seven tonne shell to a maximum range of around 37 kilometres. The gun was so big, weighing in at 1350 tonnes, that it had to be mounted on four rail platforms on two parallel tracks. Total crew for setup and firing was 2000 men. Amazingly this ridiculous piece of German phallic power was employed on the battlefield – around 48 shells were fired in combat from Gustav, not including over 200 test shots during development. Despite the impressive size of power of the weapon, it was essentially useless – the range was less than a decent naval gun, it used enormous amounts of raw materials (not just for the guns but also for the gigantic shells), and by the time is was employed it was no longer needed – Dora was developed as a bunker buster during the 1930s, anticipating attacks on dug in fortress emplacements, but by 1941 and later the age of bunker defences was long over, particularly after the Germans bypassed and captured the forts on the French Maginot Line.
4. The top German air ace, Erich Hartmann, shot down 352 planes, while the top scoring Allied ace shot down 62:
You read that correctly – the top Luftwaffe ace shot down 352 planes, while the top Allied ace (Soviet ace Ivan Kozhedub) shot down 62. In fact there were quite a few Luftwaffe aces with well over 100 or 200 kills. Much has been made about the accuracy of such amazing claims, but the fact remains that the Luftwaffe had some of the strictest confirmation of kill procedures of any air force. Hartmann’s record was examined over and over and has been confirmed as accurate. That’s not to say that the Allies didn’t have good pilots – the deciding factor was numerical differences in the air forces. The Luftwaffe was a small force up against huge numbers of enemy planes, and high kill tallies were common against overwhelming enemy air superiority, especially on the Eastern front (as in Hartmann’s case). Allied tallies were comparatively low because there were many more allied pilots going after a limited number of Luftwaffe planes, particularly in the later years of the war when the Luftwaffe was often grounded due to losses and lack of fuel. Hartmann was a such a respected pilot that enemy planes would often turn around and flee when they identified his black-tulip nose art; to counter this, Hartmann remove the distinctive artwork.
5. Field Marshall Erwin Rommel, the Desert Fox, was forced to commit suicide:
If you’ve seen Valkyrie, you know that after the failed assassination attempt against Hitler in 1944 there was a huge purge of suspected conspirators and their families – thousands were killed in the wake of the incident. Included among these victims was Erwin Rommel, one of Germany’s best field marshals. Rommel died in October 1944; the Nazis claimed he had succumbed to injuries sustained after a British aircraft strafed his car. In fact, this was a cover. Rommel was accused of involvement in the assassination plot and given an ultimatum – either take his own life and die a hero, or face court martial and execution as a traitor. Choosing to die rather than face the Nazi courts, he took a cyanide capsule on the spot, in the backseat of the car of his accusers. Some claim he was actually shot by Gestapo agents, but the essence of the event is the same – Rommel chose immediate death and protection for his family rather than trial and persecution by the Nazis.
6. The Hiroshima bomb was 1% efficient:
That’s right. The explosion that destroyed Hiroshima used only 1% of the potential energy of the uranium in Little Boy. Early atomic bomb technology was crude by modern standards and highly inefficient; regardless, it was still enough to create the largest man made explosion up to that point, equivalent to 13 000 – 18 000 tons of dynamite. Little Boy used the crudest form of atomic bomb technology – an internal “gun” that fired a plug of uranium into another block of uranium, causing a supercritical reaction that created the atomic explosion. It was still enough to kill over 100 000 people and level Hiroshima.
Monday, January 26, 2009
And now for something entirely serious - Ducati Superbike FAQ
Written for would-be Ducati owners, this handy (albeit long winded, I'll admit) guide covers just about everything you need to know about owning a Ducati superbike. It's not pretty, but it's the truth. I've had mine for three years and dealt with just about everything I detail below.
I.A.
I.A.
The Italian wallet sucking whore in question.
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Ducati Desmoquattro Superbike FAQ – So you want to buy your dream bike…
What’s good about them?
Well, many things. Most people tend to agree that the 916 series is a groundbreaking model and will remain a classic motorbike for years to come. This ensures good resale value (bad for buyers, good for sellers, heaven forbid you should actually sell it) and means you’ll always know you bought a motorbike with genuine heritage and prestige. They are beautiful machines, inside and out, from the small details up to the entire bike. The Italians are particularly good at making the machine as a whole seem like an intricate piece of art, with individual parts being beautiful on their own as well as together. Beyond the good looks, these bikes are good to ride too. Handling is very manageable and confidence inspiring, not to mention very stable. These bikes are very responsive to suspension setup and mild performance tuning, turning a great bike into a fantastic one. And few will argue against the cachet and head turning potential of these machines.
What’s bad about them?
Many things again. They cannot be neglected or abused – they require frequent maintenance and careful servicing, otherwise they will suffer serious mechanical failures. They need to be used regularly or they will suffer a whole other set of problems. The electrical is inadequate on early models, without exception. They are dogs to ride at low speeds, they are uncomfortable, and they are utterly uncompromising machines. They were designed as race bikes first and street bikes second – remember that and it won’t seem so bad when you are stalling and overheating in traffic.
As I will explain, there are many areas that need attention, and many things that can go wrong. But if you are a patient tinkerer with decent mechanical ability, or someone with a fat wallet and a helpful dealership, then you can keep them running well forever.
What goes wrong?
Electrical – the pre-1999 charging systems are completely inadequate. The 916 uses a piddling 350 watt alternator that cannot keep its 16 AMP battery charged without regular hook ups to a trickle charger. The alternator uses a stator hub bolted to the end of the crankshaft on the left side – the nut holding the hub on has a tendency to loosen and can cause engine seizing, if not crankshaft and alternator damage, so it needs to be tightened regularly. The regulators on early models are prone to failing and should have been replaced with an upgraded, metal backed item – but even these can overheat next to the horizontal exhaust pipe, unless they are relocated into a cooler spot with better airflow. The wiring has a tendency to burn out quite easily if the system is overloaded. The system is not really weatherproof either – none of the connectors are greased at the factory and key components are exposed to corrosion. It’s a good idea to go over the entire system with dielectric grease as soon as you get a hold of it. It’s not uncommon for a bike to refuse to start after rain riding or washing, because water gets into the connectors and corrodes them.
Things that break – Some things on the superbikes are fragile, and commonly crack or break. Some you need to worry about, some you don’t, some are potentially catastrophic. 1. The coolant reservoir/expansion tank is located inside the frame ahead of the airbox and under the fuel tank; because of its complex shape and awkward position, it tends to crack and leak. It’s cheap to replace, around 20-30$, so keep an eye out for leaks and fix it ASAP.
2. The plastic airbox on early models (pre-1999-ish) is a bit thin and commonly cracks along the creases of the plastic. This isn’t really anything to get upset about, just seal the crack with black silicon. You can always put on a later airbox or if you have the money get a carbon fibre replacement.
3. The triple trees and clip-ons can crack – this is a serious problem and if it pops up it needs to be fixed immediately – you don’t want a fork to fall off or a clip on to snap while you are riding.
4. The rear wheel spindle was recalled for the potential to develop hairline fractures – dealers were supplied with an ultrasound machine to check for invisible cracks. Make sure this has been done.
5. The oil pressure switch (or “sender unit”, located ahead of the clutch cover) commonly fails. It will usually start setting off the oil light intermittently, and oil will seep up through the switch. Obviously if the oil light starts coming on, check the oil pressure right away – if it is within specs, then your pressure switch is to blame. Replacements are 5$ from UAP/NAPA.
6. The stock clutch slave cylinder on early bikes is very likely to blow its seal and dump the hydraulic fluid, leaving you without any clutch control. If you are masochistic, keep a few spare seals to replace them when it happens. If you are smart, buy an Evoluzione double-seal piston or an aftermarket slave cylinder to fix or replace the stocker.
7. The stock sidestand is a spindly aluminium item, and is very fragile compared to a cast steel item. So don’t put any undue stress on it – this means ABSOLUTELY NO levering the bike onto the sidestand to clean the chain or spin the bike around, and always set the bike onto the stand gently. You do not want one to break unexpectedly, especially while levering the weight of the bike on it.
8. Generally, Ducati has a fondness for aluminium bolts. These are nice and light, but they are also prone to stripping and breaking very easily. So always be gentle and follow the recommended torque specs whenever you are removing or installing anything.
Things that fall off – Here again, there are a number of items that need to be watched and loctited to makes sure they don’t fall off on the go.
1. The fuel tank bolts have been known to rattle loose and fall out – this doesn’t sound so bad, until you realize the bolts site directly above the front cylinder intake. Dropping an 8mm bolt into a running motor’s intake in a quick way to have a spectacular blow up. There are two bolts securing the front tank bracket to the bottom of the fuel cell, pull off the tank and secure these with loctite ASAP.
2. The sidestand, when the suicide spring is bypassed, has a tendency to back out its mounting bolt. This is because the snap-up spring is connected to the nut that secures the bolt in place – to bypass the spring you need to get a shortened bolt and ditch the securing nut. This means the bolt is only held in place with about _” of thread. You will notice it when it starts to back out, the bike will begin to lean over further than usual on the stand. Immediately tighten the bolt when this happens before the sidestand falls off. I recommend safety wiring the bolt in position, as it tends to get greasy and loctite isn’t very effective on a short thread that gets saturated with oil, dirt and grease.
3. The oil pressure switch won’t fall off (thankfully) but the wiring to it is pretty floppy and gets tangled in the wiring harness near the battery, so whenever the wiring is disturbed it has a tendency to disconnect the pressure switch. If you notice the light is off when the ignition is on but the motor is off, then the wire probably came loose and needs to be reconnected.
4. The front sprocket (“countershaft sprocket” in Ducati speak) is a unique fully-floating item. This means is loosely attached to the output shaft with a small brass plate secured with two 8mm bolts. It’s normal to have a significant amount of sideways free play in the front sprocket (its part of the reason there is really bad driveline lash at low rpms) but you have to check the tightness of the securing bolts on a regular basis, and loctite them regularly as well. Also replace the retaining plate every few thousand miles, it wears out quickly and replacing it will help smooth out the power delivery a bit.
Fueling – The fuel system is quite prone to clogging the filter and splitting the fuel lines inside the fuel tank. Replace the fuel filter regularly and keep an eye on the line for splits – when they happen, replace the all the internal lines immediately with good quality items, I recommend UAP/NAPA fuel injection line. Most models use plastic quick-disconnects to connect the tank to the fuel lines – these should be replaced with metal items (available from Triumph for 955i models, or from OMEGA lab supplies in Quebec) because you WILL break at least one in your period of ownership. Viton o-rings are used to seal the fuel tank and the quick disconnects, and woe to the person who doesn’t keep spares for either of them.
Rockers – On post-1996 models, the rocker arms of the valve system are prone to flaking their chrome. The rockers are coated in chrome where they contact with the camshaft lobes, and it’s here that the chrome will wear, pit, and eventually flake off, leading to camshaft damage and flakes clogging the oil system. The only solution is to buy aftermarket hard-chromed items from MBP or Megacycle to replace flaking rockers – buying OEM rockers will not fix the problem and they WILL simply flake again, no matter what the dealer tells you. To check for the rocker arm problem, pull out the handy oil strainer on the right side of the motor above the drain plug and look for chrome flakes. If there are flakes, you need to open the heads and take out the cams to check the rocker surfaces to know which ones need replacing. If you don’t find flakes, you can probably rest easy, but they should be verified at every valve adjustment regardless.
Galley plug – on any pre-2001 Ducati, there is a possibility of the crankshaft oil-galley (sometimes called “oil gallery”) plug to back out and start grinding on the inside of the crankcase (actually the bearing race of the crankshaft on the left hand side). Eventually the plug will fall out and you will lose lubrication to the big end bearings – meaning big engine failure. Check the oil strainer for slivers of aluminium from the plug rubbing the crankcase to see if it is happening. To fix it, you need to split the cases, pull out the aluminium plug and replace it with a post-2001 steel item secured with threadlocker red. It’s a 2$ plug that can cause big problems if it starts falling out, and along with the rockers is one of the main things to watch out for.
Belts – Camshafts are driven by an automotive style Kevlar-reinforced rubber timing belt, and these MUST be replaced every 2 years or 12 000 miles. If not, the belts will likely snap and head and piston damage will result. Any bike that has been sitting for long periods of time or has really low mileage is in danger too – the belts will snap if neglected over several years. Early belts were not Kevlar reinforced and are more prone to snapping – these are identifiable by their white lettering, as opposed to red on the Kevlar items. If you are paranoid (like me) replace them ever 6 000 miles. OEM items from the dealership run around 70-80$ apiece, but you can buy identical Bucci belts from third party suppliers for around 30$ each.
Crankcase breather – Ducatis have a fair bit of crankcase pressure, and respond well to large breather boxes to reduce pressure to atmospheric levels or better yet, a vacuum to help pull the pistons down. On race bikes, double breathers and large volume breather boxes were used for maximum power. On the street bikes, the breather is still pretty large by conventional standards. Unfortunately the stock breather isn’t the best design and is prone to getting overwhelmed with oil and misting oil over the rear cylinder. So a fine mist of greasy buildup around the breather is normal. If it bugs you, you can always get an improved aftermarket breather. Also make sure you don’t overfill the oil above the max level, as it will increase the likelihood (and amount) of oil misting.
Wheelies – Ok, wheelies and stoppies are bad for any bike. Tipping the sump backwards or forwards will shift the oil away from the sump pickup – when the pickup sucks air, you might as well be running without oil. On Ducati superbikes you have an added problem – the above-mentioned crankcase breather. Oil will shoot up the breather when you pop a wheelie, and has the potential to either spit oil into your airbox (best case scenario) or spray it over your rear wheel (very bad, especially when you are in the middle of a wheelie).
Airbox seal – Ducati superbikes use a unique airbox setup – the top half of the airbox is the bottom of the fuel tank, the bottom half is a stressed chassis member secured in the frame, with a rubber seal between the two. Air is fed into the system through ram-air ducts along the sides of the cockpit; instead of putting the filter into the airbox in the conventional spot, there are two filters, one in each air runner. This allows maximum airbox volume, the best airbox resonance, and good intake pressurization. Unfortunately, the airbox seal between the ‘box and the tank isn’t great, and dust can seep in. The best thing to do is coat the airbox and the runners with a layer of chain lube. Some companies sell foam filters that slip over the air intake trumpets – these will prevent dust from getting into the intakes, but it also takes up airbox volume, allows junk to get into the airbox itself, and destroys the crucial resonance effect - dyno tests prove a LOSS of 3-4 hp compared to stock filters. I’ve used them and I don’t recommend them. The fact stock filters cost a fraction of the cost of ineffective aftermarket items, and work best in most situations, is reason enough to leave them alone.
Bearings – Italians mechanics seem to have an aversion to grease so check the condition of the steering and wheel bearings, and be sure to load them with fresh grease whenever you can.
Drops – Ducatis are fragile machines, and a simple drop in the garage will mean thousands of dollars in damage. If dropped on the right side, the battery can crack and leak acid on expensive engine and frame parts, and the external dry clutch is easily damaged in lowsides. Fairings are expensive and easy to crack, as are the mirrors and mounting stems. All of this is not aided by a spindly aluminium sidestand that is prone to breaking and/or backing out its mounting bolts. This is assuming the dreaded “suisidestand” has been bypassed - the original stands were spring loaded to snap up as soon as the weight was taken off them, and rigged so that the ignition was cut when the stand was down. This means the bike would easily fall if bumped, and could not be idled to warm up without sitting on it. Get an aftermarket stand bolt and a bypass kit or face the consequences.
Oil – Ducati recommends 10w/40 viscosity oil in the desmoquattro motor. Most people agree 15w/50 or 20w/50 is a much safer bet, and synthetic is recommended. This is better for the bottom end bearings and for the rocker arms, which are prone to oil starvation due to the nature of the oiling system. When cold, the motor takes up to 90 seconds to circulate oil to the heads because of the lack of one-way valves in the oil lines, and a long circuit for the oil system. So let the motor idle for at least 90 seconds (or better yet, until the temp guage hits 140 degrees) before touching the throttle, otherwise you may exacerbate the rocker arm flaking issue.
What’s that noise?
If Ducatis are unique in nothing else, it’s in the noises they make. Some things can be disconcerting to newbies to the brand, so here’s a rundown of what to expect:
Dry Clutch – For those in the know, a Ducati dry clutch is a trick piece of race engineering for the road. To those who don’t know, it’s a bit scary. The clutch is located on the outside of the crankcase, and as the name suggests, it’s a dry multiplate unit – it’s the same as in any sportbike, except it doesn’t sit inside the engine bathed in oil. There are many benefits (and as many drawbacks) to this system, which I won’t bother describing here; needless to say, it’s a unique system, and has the distinction of making one hell of a racket. The noise is due to the clutch friction plate tabs rattling in the slots of the basket as the clutch spins around. I’ve heard it described as 1970s Buick big block with a broken conrod, or as the sound of a shot crank bearing. To me it sounds like terminal piston slap. Whatever it sounds like, it’s loud, it’s different, and it’s nothing to worry about. It will clatter and clack (tackatackatacka) when you leave it idling in neutral, and will jingle and boom (kerchinkakerchinkakerchinka) when you pull the clutch lever in. It will also clatter loudly if you lug the motor below 4000 rpm; driveline lash is a problem with the dry clutch, big power pulses, and a floating front sprocket. If you run an open cover you will also hear it when you shift or when under moderate load. If it really bugs you, you can always put a sound-deadened solid cover (available after 1998, you can tell by the rubber padding inside the cover) or buy an aftermarket fitted clutch pack that won’t rattle back and forth in the basket.
Intake – Another source of glorious racket, the intake roar of an early superbike is truly awesome. Pre-996 models (916-748s) had unrestricted intake runners that generate a phenomenal roar from around 4500 rpm up. This is the airbox resonance effect, sometimes called Hermholz resonance; it’s the sound of the air alternately pounding into and getting pushed out of the airbox by the ram-air and intake effects. It’s a good noise, it means the intake is working properly. 996 and later models had rubber venturi blocks inserted into the intake runners after the air filters to dampen the noise – if you want the full noise effect open the runners and pull the restrictors out. Alternately if you don’t like the noise buy some restrictors and put them in.
Cams – Here we are talking about a lack of noise rather than an abundance of it. Because Ducatis use automotive-style timing belts to drive the cams (look at a Ferrari V8 and compare it to a desmoquattro with the belt covers removed) there is almost no camtrain noise, especially compared to the whirring and whining of chain or gear driven cams on most bikes. You might notice a slight twittering noise on overrun if anything – those are the desmo valves at work.
What do I need to know about maintenance?
Four valve Ducs are high maintenance machines, but everything is pretty straightforward. Follow the service regimen and your bike will last a long time – but neglect it and you will have serious problems. Here are some primer points on the unique steps in Ducati maintenance.
Valves – desmo valves need frequent adjusting due to their valve retaining setup. They use easily deformed half-rings to hold the valves in place, and over time these rings will shift and even break, changing the clearances drastically. A solution is replacing them with oversized, hardened collets from MBP (Canada) or EMS (USA) and matching shims, or if you are cheap and do your own adjustments reuse the existing half rings that have already been mashed into submission (assuming they aren’t broken).
It’s easy to learn how to adjust desmo valves, so don’t get scared off by the BS of arrogant mechanics. There are plenty of articles available on the subject so I won’t bother repeating the process here. Suffice to say that the biggest problem is that you need a lot of shims – 16 in total for the desmoquattro, that’s 8 opening and 8 closing shims. So if you need to adjust a lot of the valves, it’s a pain to run back and forth to the dealer ordering different shim sizes. If you have the money, buy an aftermarket shim kit and save yourself some running around. If the valves are tight, you can get away with carefully grinding the existing shims down to the correct thickness; be sure to grind them evenly and accurately on some 400 grit wet/dry sandpaper.
The cost of neglecting the valves are serious – too tight clearances will stretch, mushroom and snap the valve stems and bash the valve seats, and too loose will cause noticeably poor running, especially at low rpm, and put more stress on the valve train. Improper clearances will also increase the likelihood of flaking rockers and cam damage. So don’t neglect them. Ever.
Due to the nature of the design (closing the valves mechanically), desmo valves are hard on the seats compared to most conventional valve setups. To maintain optimum sealing the valves should be lapped every adjustment, but this means taking off the heads – this is fine on early (pre 1999) bikes that use fibre type head gaskets that only cost about 25$ each, but a bit of a pain on later models that use 125-150$ a pop copper gaskets. So use your own judgement on that one.
Alternator – the alternator nut needs to be checked every 6000 miles on all desmoquattro motors, moreso on early single-phase bikes with the stator bolted to the crankshaft. While the 520 watt three phase system of 996s and later 748s is different, they are still prone to loosening their alternator bolts and causing serious damage. To check, you need to remove the left hand cover – early bikes used a now-unobtainable paper gasket to seal the left cover, later models just use Three Bond sealant. Most people just use the sealant rather than trying to track down gaskets, but on single-phase bikes you need to check the clearance of - and possible re-shim - the timing pickup on the LH cover if you are changing the way it is sealed.
Belts – Another area that should never be neglected, the belts are pricey direct from Ducati but cheaper from third-party distributors. CA-Cycleworks sells Bucci belts identical to the OEM items for half the cost. Replacing the belts is simple, but tension is critical, Always err on the loose side if you are doing it without the official tool (you should get it verified at a shop asap if you do so), otherwise the belt will snap very quickly. Again, never, ever neglect the belts, they are cheap insurance against an engine blow up.
Fuel system – as mentioned before, you need to keep an eye on the fuel lines and filter. If the filter gets clogged or the lines split, the fuel pump will work overtime and overload the electrical system, if the fuel flow doesn’t stop completely. So be prepared to replace the lines and filter ever 6000 miles or so, and make sure to avoid getting kinks in the lines. Something that can be considered is replacing the screw-type hose clamps with gentler snap-type clamps designed for high-pressure fuel injection lines – again, you can get these from Triumph for the 955i models. This will help prevent splits around the edges of the clamps. The o-rings on the disconnects are very easy to nick due to the design of the coupling (a very poor and fragile design that I curse often), and spares should always be kept handy because when they start leaking it’s a real pain in the ass.
Oil – obviously oil changes are important, but desmoquattros have an extra step in the process – check the strainer. The oil strainer is a gauze pickup that screws into the right hand side of the engine above the drain plug, and needs to be taken out every oil change to be cleaned and checked for metal flakes. Tiny amounts of metal or gasket material are signs of normal engine wear. Aluminum slivers, chrome flakes, or significant chunks of metal are bad news. The drain plug is magnetic and picks up swarf from the transmission, so it’s normal to find a few fingernail-clipping-like slivers of steel and steel fuzz. If you find a lot of steel material on the plug, either your shifting technique is atrocious or there might be something else going wrong…
Ducati says change the oil every 6000 miles. We say change it ever 2000-3000 (with new filter ever 6K), and always use synthetic.
What do I need to know about tuning?
Ducatis have a wide variety of tuning options available, with plenty of nifty parts to empty your wallet. Here are a few areas of note.
Exhaust – You can’t have an Italian v-twin without freeing the sound of Italian thunder. Aftermarket systems come in two forms – full systems (very rare and very pricey) and half systems (slip ons from the spaghetti pipes up, very common but still not cheap). Different models have different exhaust diameters, from 45mm up to a max of 57mm on race parts. Bigger diameter exhaust systems don’t necessarily help power, in fact a system that is too big for the motor tuning will just make it run horribly and sacrifice a significant amount of torque and midrange power. There is a sweet spot for each model, talk to a Ducati tuning expert about options. Even a half system will free a fair bit of horsepower – 5hp at the rear wheel is easily gained on a standard machine with a proper fuel map, more is possible by uncorking SP, SPS or R models.
EPROMs – These are one of the great features of Ducati superbikes. Weber-Marelli fuel injection systems (P7 [851/888], P8 [916 Strada], 1.6M [916 Biposto and Senna, 748, 996*]) store their fuel maps on a replaceable microchip called an EPROM. EPROMs range in price from 40$ for OEM items or copied aftermarket chips, right up to 250$ for calibrated, multi-trimmer aftermarket chips from specialists like Ultimap. Ditching the stock EPROM for even a basic unrestricted item (read: open exhaust pipe chip) will give a significant boost to the midrange and get rid of the 5000 rpm flat spot (put there for noise and emissions regulation testing). A new EPROM is a must if you replace the exhaust system, otherwise you will just hurt power delivery. Let your budget dictate what you want – a Ducati Performance open-pipe EPROM is cheap and will suffice for most street bikes, but if you want perfect fuelling you can always get a custom chip burned from dyno testing, or at least get a calibrated item from Ultimap.
* Single injector mod (996) – The 996 uses double fuel injectors, and they are known for being a pain in the ass. Stumbling, flat spots, and on-off hesitation is a problem with the 996 fuel system, but it can be fixed by disconnecting the two secondary injectors and installing a Senna open-pipe, single injector fuel map (Ducati Performance EPROM number 062) in the 1.6M ECU. Search the net for a step by step guide.
Intake – As I’ve already mentioned, the stock filters are your best bet for a compromise between air flow and engine protection. You will always get the best power from stock filters, as all EPROMs are tuned with stock filters in mind. If you are keen, BCM makes a modified in-the-runner filter setup, where oiled paper filters slide into brackets secured to the airbox openings. These filter better than the stock items, but they don’t solve the airbox seal problem, require airbox modification, and are expensive. In my professional opinion you should stick to stock filters, they are cheap and work well enough under most conditions.
Head work – One nice thing about 4V Ducatis is they feature hand-ported heads right from the factory. No japcrap port casting here, just smooth and perfectly ported intake and exhaust tracts. 996s are ported to RS superbike specification; earlier models are very good too. Combustion chambers are CNC machined, which gives a smooth combustion surface to improve fuel swirl and reduce hot spots that could lead to detonation. They are easy to polish to a mirror finish with some fine grit sandpaper and abrasive compound, something worth considering if you have the heads off for freshening up. So basically you don’t need to port the heads; if anything you might want to polish the exhaust tracts and combustion chambers, but leave the intakes alone, they are hard to improve upon.
Timing – Ducatis respond well to careful setup of the valve timing. This needs to be done by a pro with the right tools and the right ideas – different Ducati tuners recommend different timing specs. Sometimes just baselining the timing to factory recommended specs makes a significant difference; often the timing will be off a few degrees due to the loose tolerances of mass production.
Squish – Here again, mass production is working against you. Desmoquattros run at their optimum with about 1.00-1.05mm of squish, but most (except for a few hand built homologation specials like the 748R) are between 1.3 and 1.4 mm. On early bikes with a 1.2mm fibre head gasket, the easiest way to set squish is to remove the 0.3mm base gaskets and seal the barrels with Three Bond. If you don’t want to ditch the base gasket, you need to have the barrels shaved at a machine shop. On later models with a thinner head gasket and thicker base gasket, all you need to do is order some thinner base gaskets – on the 996, the base gaskets are 0.6mm thick, so you get 0.3mm items and you are set. Always make sure you check the squish properly, if you have less than 1.00 mm of clearance you will contact the head when the conrods stretch, causing catastrophic damage.
Cams – Lots of options are available for hot cams, 916/996 SPS items being the most popular. Standard 916-748-996s have identical cam profiles and are mostly interchangeable. VeeTwo makes billet high lift cams, and there are plenty of other aftermarket options. But always be aware of the drawbacks – you will lose low end and midrange power to gain top end, and higher lift mean more stress on the rockers and valve train. Plus your bike will need thorough tuning to optimize for the new cams. And they cost a heck of a lot on their own – cheapest I’ve seen is 1500$ for a set of stock SPS items.
Pistons – Once you’ve looked up the cost of a set of Ducati piston rings, you’ll understand why aftermarket forged high compression pistons are so popular – they cost little more than a set of OEM rings. There are drop in piston options for the stock bores, which is the simplest and cheapest way to up compression and power. If you want to overbore, 853 kits are available for the 748, 955 kits for the 916, and over 1000ccs is possible for a 996. But when you start messing with overbores, you are stressing the motor beyond its design and can seriously compromise reliability. Grenading motors are not an economical option for the street. It’s also advisable to rebalance the crank for different piston weights, and this means splitting the cases and generally going through a lot of trouble to do it properly – which a lot of people don’t. My advice is to avoid buying previously overbored bikes unless you reaaaaally trust the person who did it.
Flywheel – On 1.6M single-phase alternator bikes, the flywheel is a dead-weight item bolted onto the left hand side of the crankshaft – it isn’t used for timing purposes like most bikes (including the later three phase superbikes, as well as P8 computer’ed bikes). What this means is that you can completely remove the 2lb flywheel to drastically reduce rotating mass in the motor. This makes the motor rev hellishly fast – there is no more power than before, but throttle response will be really snappy and the bike will rev and reach the powerband a lot faster. Unfortunately this serious compromises the tractability and torque delivery of the motor, so unless you race or avoid slow riding entirely it’s not the best option.
Cranks – Crankshafts can be swapped between models to increase stroke for a gain in torque and power. Almost all Ducati cranks from 1992 on are similar in design, even the 2Vs are the same as the 4Vs. Obviously you need a piston with a higher deck height to compensate for the added stroke, otherwise you’ll end up with a ridiculously low compression ratio. Putting a 916/996 crank into a 748 will give you 803cc. Putting a 900SS/ST2 crank in will give you 827cc. A 900/ST2 crank in a 916 gives 944cc, in a 996 it gives 1026cc. This is just with stock Ducati cranks – aftermarket options are available too if your wallet can handle it.
Clutch – Oh where to begin. Needless to say, the dry clutch has limitless aftermarket options, from lightweight clutch baskets to anodized pressure plates and springs and all sorts of ventilated cover designs. Less weight is always good, to reduce the rotating mass of the engine/driveline, but alloy and aluminium components in the basket and clutch pack will reduce the longevity of the setup - the stock steel baskets and hubs can last indefinitely. Clutch packs will last anywhere from 3000 to 30 000 miles depending on how gentle you are on take off and how much stop and go riding you do. Some easy mods to do (that cost nothing) are removing two springs to reduce lever pull, removing the rubber gasket from the stock cover and spacing it with brass grommets (to let the noise out and air in to cool things), and routinely washing the clutch plates in mildly soapy water. Flip the friction plates over on a regular basis to even out the wear, it’s a simple way to eek out extra miles from the pricey clutch packs.
Suspension – the stock components on any superbike are above average to really good. As with any bike, you can always rebuild the shock with a spring for your weight or get new fork internals, but the stock stuff is pretty good for majority of riders. Usually what your bike got was determined by what was on the shelf when it was being assembled. For example, some base bikes got a trick Ohlin’s shock, others didn’t. In general, the components respond very well to careful setup, much more so than most Japanese hardware (cough Kayaba cough) which feels pretty much the same even after serious knob-twiddling. On everything except the base 748 models you get an adjustable steering head angle – this uses eccentric bearing races to adjust the steering head angle between 24.5 degrees (road) and 23.5 degrees (race). If you don’t know where yours is set, there is a quick check – see if you can lock the steering. In race mode, you can’t lock the steering head, in road mode you can. Also be certain the steering damper is correctly positioned – the rear mount is for road angle, the forward mount is for race angle. My former mechanic forgot to switch this after rebuilding my front end and I had a hell of a time trying to figure out why the bike kept pulling to the left slightly… There is also a rear shock linkage that can be adjusted to raise or lower the rear ride height. This should be left stock for most applications – that’s 261mms between the bearing centres. If you really want to sharpen up the steering, add 8-10mm of length to the rod, thought I don’t recommend it if you aren’t familiar with suspension setup.
There are plenty of other things you can do, just look through a Ducati Performance catalogue some time to see how many methods Ducati has devised for emptying your wallet.
So why do I want one if it is this much trouble?
Well, the million-dollar question is always why do we chose a finicky, high maintenance, fragile Italian machine over a more reliable, faster Japanese machine. The fact is, these bikes are unlike anything else on the road. They were legends in their own time, they were championship-winning racers, and they offer some of the most fantastic feedback and feel you will ever experience on a motorbike. The steel trellis chassis transmits road feel unlike anything else, and the suspension components are top quality items, even on the base models. Handling and road holding is fantastic, even 13 years after being introduced. The engine is smooth, and the power pulses of the big v-twin are easy to manage compared to the tyre-spinning thrust of a four cylinder. Ducatis are mostly hand-built, even today, and a lot of attention goes into the details. Despite their flaws, the motors are very solid and can handle a lot of power when maintained properly. And having one of the most beautiful bikes of all time doesn’t sound bad does it? To be frank, we bought our bikes with our hearts, not with our heads. If you really want one, it doesn’t matter what the flaws are. They are brilliant machines and us owners are a nutty, die-hard lot.
What’s good about them?
Well, many things. Most people tend to agree that the 916 series is a groundbreaking model and will remain a classic motorbike for years to come. This ensures good resale value (bad for buyers, good for sellers, heaven forbid you should actually sell it) and means you’ll always know you bought a motorbike with genuine heritage and prestige. They are beautiful machines, inside and out, from the small details up to the entire bike. The Italians are particularly good at making the machine as a whole seem like an intricate piece of art, with individual parts being beautiful on their own as well as together. Beyond the good looks, these bikes are good to ride too. Handling is very manageable and confidence inspiring, not to mention very stable. These bikes are very responsive to suspension setup and mild performance tuning, turning a great bike into a fantastic one. And few will argue against the cachet and head turning potential of these machines.
What’s bad about them?
Many things again. They cannot be neglected or abused – they require frequent maintenance and careful servicing, otherwise they will suffer serious mechanical failures. They need to be used regularly or they will suffer a whole other set of problems. The electrical is inadequate on early models, without exception. They are dogs to ride at low speeds, they are uncomfortable, and they are utterly uncompromising machines. They were designed as race bikes first and street bikes second – remember that and it won’t seem so bad when you are stalling and overheating in traffic.
As I will explain, there are many areas that need attention, and many things that can go wrong. But if you are a patient tinkerer with decent mechanical ability, or someone with a fat wallet and a helpful dealership, then you can keep them running well forever.
What goes wrong?
Electrical – the pre-1999 charging systems are completely inadequate. The 916 uses a piddling 350 watt alternator that cannot keep its 16 AMP battery charged without regular hook ups to a trickle charger. The alternator uses a stator hub bolted to the end of the crankshaft on the left side – the nut holding the hub on has a tendency to loosen and can cause engine seizing, if not crankshaft and alternator damage, so it needs to be tightened regularly. The regulators on early models are prone to failing and should have been replaced with an upgraded, metal backed item – but even these can overheat next to the horizontal exhaust pipe, unless they are relocated into a cooler spot with better airflow. The wiring has a tendency to burn out quite easily if the system is overloaded. The system is not really weatherproof either – none of the connectors are greased at the factory and key components are exposed to corrosion. It’s a good idea to go over the entire system with dielectric grease as soon as you get a hold of it. It’s not uncommon for a bike to refuse to start after rain riding or washing, because water gets into the connectors and corrodes them.
Things that break – Some things on the superbikes are fragile, and commonly crack or break. Some you need to worry about, some you don’t, some are potentially catastrophic. 1. The coolant reservoir/expansion tank is located inside the frame ahead of the airbox and under the fuel tank; because of its complex shape and awkward position, it tends to crack and leak. It’s cheap to replace, around 20-30$, so keep an eye out for leaks and fix it ASAP.
2. The plastic airbox on early models (pre-1999-ish) is a bit thin and commonly cracks along the creases of the plastic. This isn’t really anything to get upset about, just seal the crack with black silicon. You can always put on a later airbox or if you have the money get a carbon fibre replacement.
3. The triple trees and clip-ons can crack – this is a serious problem and if it pops up it needs to be fixed immediately – you don’t want a fork to fall off or a clip on to snap while you are riding.
4. The rear wheel spindle was recalled for the potential to develop hairline fractures – dealers were supplied with an ultrasound machine to check for invisible cracks. Make sure this has been done.
5. The oil pressure switch (or “sender unit”, located ahead of the clutch cover) commonly fails. It will usually start setting off the oil light intermittently, and oil will seep up through the switch. Obviously if the oil light starts coming on, check the oil pressure right away – if it is within specs, then your pressure switch is to blame. Replacements are 5$ from UAP/NAPA.
6. The stock clutch slave cylinder on early bikes is very likely to blow its seal and dump the hydraulic fluid, leaving you without any clutch control. If you are masochistic, keep a few spare seals to replace them when it happens. If you are smart, buy an Evoluzione double-seal piston or an aftermarket slave cylinder to fix or replace the stocker.
7. The stock sidestand is a spindly aluminium item, and is very fragile compared to a cast steel item. So don’t put any undue stress on it – this means ABSOLUTELY NO levering the bike onto the sidestand to clean the chain or spin the bike around, and always set the bike onto the stand gently. You do not want one to break unexpectedly, especially while levering the weight of the bike on it.
8. Generally, Ducati has a fondness for aluminium bolts. These are nice and light, but they are also prone to stripping and breaking very easily. So always be gentle and follow the recommended torque specs whenever you are removing or installing anything.
Things that fall off – Here again, there are a number of items that need to be watched and loctited to makes sure they don’t fall off on the go.
1. The fuel tank bolts have been known to rattle loose and fall out – this doesn’t sound so bad, until you realize the bolts site directly above the front cylinder intake. Dropping an 8mm bolt into a running motor’s intake in a quick way to have a spectacular blow up. There are two bolts securing the front tank bracket to the bottom of the fuel cell, pull off the tank and secure these with loctite ASAP.
2. The sidestand, when the suicide spring is bypassed, has a tendency to back out its mounting bolt. This is because the snap-up spring is connected to the nut that secures the bolt in place – to bypass the spring you need to get a shortened bolt and ditch the securing nut. This means the bolt is only held in place with about _” of thread. You will notice it when it starts to back out, the bike will begin to lean over further than usual on the stand. Immediately tighten the bolt when this happens before the sidestand falls off. I recommend safety wiring the bolt in position, as it tends to get greasy and loctite isn’t very effective on a short thread that gets saturated with oil, dirt and grease.
3. The oil pressure switch won’t fall off (thankfully) but the wiring to it is pretty floppy and gets tangled in the wiring harness near the battery, so whenever the wiring is disturbed it has a tendency to disconnect the pressure switch. If you notice the light is off when the ignition is on but the motor is off, then the wire probably came loose and needs to be reconnected.
4. The front sprocket (“countershaft sprocket” in Ducati speak) is a unique fully-floating item. This means is loosely attached to the output shaft with a small brass plate secured with two 8mm bolts. It’s normal to have a significant amount of sideways free play in the front sprocket (its part of the reason there is really bad driveline lash at low rpms) but you have to check the tightness of the securing bolts on a regular basis, and loctite them regularly as well. Also replace the retaining plate every few thousand miles, it wears out quickly and replacing it will help smooth out the power delivery a bit.
Fueling – The fuel system is quite prone to clogging the filter and splitting the fuel lines inside the fuel tank. Replace the fuel filter regularly and keep an eye on the line for splits – when they happen, replace the all the internal lines immediately with good quality items, I recommend UAP/NAPA fuel injection line. Most models use plastic quick-disconnects to connect the tank to the fuel lines – these should be replaced with metal items (available from Triumph for 955i models, or from OMEGA lab supplies in Quebec) because you WILL break at least one in your period of ownership. Viton o-rings are used to seal the fuel tank and the quick disconnects, and woe to the person who doesn’t keep spares for either of them.
Rockers – On post-1996 models, the rocker arms of the valve system are prone to flaking their chrome. The rockers are coated in chrome where they contact with the camshaft lobes, and it’s here that the chrome will wear, pit, and eventually flake off, leading to camshaft damage and flakes clogging the oil system. The only solution is to buy aftermarket hard-chromed items from MBP or Megacycle to replace flaking rockers – buying OEM rockers will not fix the problem and they WILL simply flake again, no matter what the dealer tells you. To check for the rocker arm problem, pull out the handy oil strainer on the right side of the motor above the drain plug and look for chrome flakes. If there are flakes, you need to open the heads and take out the cams to check the rocker surfaces to know which ones need replacing. If you don’t find flakes, you can probably rest easy, but they should be verified at every valve adjustment regardless.
Galley plug – on any pre-2001 Ducati, there is a possibility of the crankshaft oil-galley (sometimes called “oil gallery”) plug to back out and start grinding on the inside of the crankcase (actually the bearing race of the crankshaft on the left hand side). Eventually the plug will fall out and you will lose lubrication to the big end bearings – meaning big engine failure. Check the oil strainer for slivers of aluminium from the plug rubbing the crankcase to see if it is happening. To fix it, you need to split the cases, pull out the aluminium plug and replace it with a post-2001 steel item secured with threadlocker red. It’s a 2$ plug that can cause big problems if it starts falling out, and along with the rockers is one of the main things to watch out for.
Belts – Camshafts are driven by an automotive style Kevlar-reinforced rubber timing belt, and these MUST be replaced every 2 years or 12 000 miles. If not, the belts will likely snap and head and piston damage will result. Any bike that has been sitting for long periods of time or has really low mileage is in danger too – the belts will snap if neglected over several years. Early belts were not Kevlar reinforced and are more prone to snapping – these are identifiable by their white lettering, as opposed to red on the Kevlar items. If you are paranoid (like me) replace them ever 6 000 miles. OEM items from the dealership run around 70-80$ apiece, but you can buy identical Bucci belts from third party suppliers for around 30$ each.
Crankcase breather – Ducatis have a fair bit of crankcase pressure, and respond well to large breather boxes to reduce pressure to atmospheric levels or better yet, a vacuum to help pull the pistons down. On race bikes, double breathers and large volume breather boxes were used for maximum power. On the street bikes, the breather is still pretty large by conventional standards. Unfortunately the stock breather isn’t the best design and is prone to getting overwhelmed with oil and misting oil over the rear cylinder. So a fine mist of greasy buildup around the breather is normal. If it bugs you, you can always get an improved aftermarket breather. Also make sure you don’t overfill the oil above the max level, as it will increase the likelihood (and amount) of oil misting.
Wheelies – Ok, wheelies and stoppies are bad for any bike. Tipping the sump backwards or forwards will shift the oil away from the sump pickup – when the pickup sucks air, you might as well be running without oil. On Ducati superbikes you have an added problem – the above-mentioned crankcase breather. Oil will shoot up the breather when you pop a wheelie, and has the potential to either spit oil into your airbox (best case scenario) or spray it over your rear wheel (very bad, especially when you are in the middle of a wheelie).
Airbox seal – Ducati superbikes use a unique airbox setup – the top half of the airbox is the bottom of the fuel tank, the bottom half is a stressed chassis member secured in the frame, with a rubber seal between the two. Air is fed into the system through ram-air ducts along the sides of the cockpit; instead of putting the filter into the airbox in the conventional spot, there are two filters, one in each air runner. This allows maximum airbox volume, the best airbox resonance, and good intake pressurization. Unfortunately, the airbox seal between the ‘box and the tank isn’t great, and dust can seep in. The best thing to do is coat the airbox and the runners with a layer of chain lube. Some companies sell foam filters that slip over the air intake trumpets – these will prevent dust from getting into the intakes, but it also takes up airbox volume, allows junk to get into the airbox itself, and destroys the crucial resonance effect - dyno tests prove a LOSS of 3-4 hp compared to stock filters. I’ve used them and I don’t recommend them. The fact stock filters cost a fraction of the cost of ineffective aftermarket items, and work best in most situations, is reason enough to leave them alone.
Bearings – Italians mechanics seem to have an aversion to grease so check the condition of the steering and wheel bearings, and be sure to load them with fresh grease whenever you can.
Drops – Ducatis are fragile machines, and a simple drop in the garage will mean thousands of dollars in damage. If dropped on the right side, the battery can crack and leak acid on expensive engine and frame parts, and the external dry clutch is easily damaged in lowsides. Fairings are expensive and easy to crack, as are the mirrors and mounting stems. All of this is not aided by a spindly aluminium sidestand that is prone to breaking and/or backing out its mounting bolts. This is assuming the dreaded “suisidestand” has been bypassed - the original stands were spring loaded to snap up as soon as the weight was taken off them, and rigged so that the ignition was cut when the stand was down. This means the bike would easily fall if bumped, and could not be idled to warm up without sitting on it. Get an aftermarket stand bolt and a bypass kit or face the consequences.
Oil – Ducati recommends 10w/40 viscosity oil in the desmoquattro motor. Most people agree 15w/50 or 20w/50 is a much safer bet, and synthetic is recommended. This is better for the bottom end bearings and for the rocker arms, which are prone to oil starvation due to the nature of the oiling system. When cold, the motor takes up to 90 seconds to circulate oil to the heads because of the lack of one-way valves in the oil lines, and a long circuit for the oil system. So let the motor idle for at least 90 seconds (or better yet, until the temp guage hits 140 degrees) before touching the throttle, otherwise you may exacerbate the rocker arm flaking issue.
What’s that noise?
If Ducatis are unique in nothing else, it’s in the noises they make. Some things can be disconcerting to newbies to the brand, so here’s a rundown of what to expect:
Dry Clutch – For those in the know, a Ducati dry clutch is a trick piece of race engineering for the road. To those who don’t know, it’s a bit scary. The clutch is located on the outside of the crankcase, and as the name suggests, it’s a dry multiplate unit – it’s the same as in any sportbike, except it doesn’t sit inside the engine bathed in oil. There are many benefits (and as many drawbacks) to this system, which I won’t bother describing here; needless to say, it’s a unique system, and has the distinction of making one hell of a racket. The noise is due to the clutch friction plate tabs rattling in the slots of the basket as the clutch spins around. I’ve heard it described as 1970s Buick big block with a broken conrod, or as the sound of a shot crank bearing. To me it sounds like terminal piston slap. Whatever it sounds like, it’s loud, it’s different, and it’s nothing to worry about. It will clatter and clack (tackatackatacka) when you leave it idling in neutral, and will jingle and boom (kerchinkakerchinkakerchinka) when you pull the clutch lever in. It will also clatter loudly if you lug the motor below 4000 rpm; driveline lash is a problem with the dry clutch, big power pulses, and a floating front sprocket. If you run an open cover you will also hear it when you shift or when under moderate load. If it really bugs you, you can always put a sound-deadened solid cover (available after 1998, you can tell by the rubber padding inside the cover) or buy an aftermarket fitted clutch pack that won’t rattle back and forth in the basket.
Intake – Another source of glorious racket, the intake roar of an early superbike is truly awesome. Pre-996 models (916-748s) had unrestricted intake runners that generate a phenomenal roar from around 4500 rpm up. This is the airbox resonance effect, sometimes called Hermholz resonance; it’s the sound of the air alternately pounding into and getting pushed out of the airbox by the ram-air and intake effects. It’s a good noise, it means the intake is working properly. 996 and later models had rubber venturi blocks inserted into the intake runners after the air filters to dampen the noise – if you want the full noise effect open the runners and pull the restrictors out. Alternately if you don’t like the noise buy some restrictors and put them in.
Cams – Here we are talking about a lack of noise rather than an abundance of it. Because Ducatis use automotive-style timing belts to drive the cams (look at a Ferrari V8 and compare it to a desmoquattro with the belt covers removed) there is almost no camtrain noise, especially compared to the whirring and whining of chain or gear driven cams on most bikes. You might notice a slight twittering noise on overrun if anything – those are the desmo valves at work.
What do I need to know about maintenance?
Four valve Ducs are high maintenance machines, but everything is pretty straightforward. Follow the service regimen and your bike will last a long time – but neglect it and you will have serious problems. Here are some primer points on the unique steps in Ducati maintenance.
Valves – desmo valves need frequent adjusting due to their valve retaining setup. They use easily deformed half-rings to hold the valves in place, and over time these rings will shift and even break, changing the clearances drastically. A solution is replacing them with oversized, hardened collets from MBP (Canada) or EMS (USA) and matching shims, or if you are cheap and do your own adjustments reuse the existing half rings that have already been mashed into submission (assuming they aren’t broken).
It’s easy to learn how to adjust desmo valves, so don’t get scared off by the BS of arrogant mechanics. There are plenty of articles available on the subject so I won’t bother repeating the process here. Suffice to say that the biggest problem is that you need a lot of shims – 16 in total for the desmoquattro, that’s 8 opening and 8 closing shims. So if you need to adjust a lot of the valves, it’s a pain to run back and forth to the dealer ordering different shim sizes. If you have the money, buy an aftermarket shim kit and save yourself some running around. If the valves are tight, you can get away with carefully grinding the existing shims down to the correct thickness; be sure to grind them evenly and accurately on some 400 grit wet/dry sandpaper.
The cost of neglecting the valves are serious – too tight clearances will stretch, mushroom and snap the valve stems and bash the valve seats, and too loose will cause noticeably poor running, especially at low rpm, and put more stress on the valve train. Improper clearances will also increase the likelihood of flaking rockers and cam damage. So don’t neglect them. Ever.
Due to the nature of the design (closing the valves mechanically), desmo valves are hard on the seats compared to most conventional valve setups. To maintain optimum sealing the valves should be lapped every adjustment, but this means taking off the heads – this is fine on early (pre 1999) bikes that use fibre type head gaskets that only cost about 25$ each, but a bit of a pain on later models that use 125-150$ a pop copper gaskets. So use your own judgement on that one.
Alternator – the alternator nut needs to be checked every 6000 miles on all desmoquattro motors, moreso on early single-phase bikes with the stator bolted to the crankshaft. While the 520 watt three phase system of 996s and later 748s is different, they are still prone to loosening their alternator bolts and causing serious damage. To check, you need to remove the left hand cover – early bikes used a now-unobtainable paper gasket to seal the left cover, later models just use Three Bond sealant. Most people just use the sealant rather than trying to track down gaskets, but on single-phase bikes you need to check the clearance of - and possible re-shim - the timing pickup on the LH cover if you are changing the way it is sealed.
Belts – Another area that should never be neglected, the belts are pricey direct from Ducati but cheaper from third-party distributors. CA-Cycleworks sells Bucci belts identical to the OEM items for half the cost. Replacing the belts is simple, but tension is critical, Always err on the loose side if you are doing it without the official tool (you should get it verified at a shop asap if you do so), otherwise the belt will snap very quickly. Again, never, ever neglect the belts, they are cheap insurance against an engine blow up.
Fuel system – as mentioned before, you need to keep an eye on the fuel lines and filter. If the filter gets clogged or the lines split, the fuel pump will work overtime and overload the electrical system, if the fuel flow doesn’t stop completely. So be prepared to replace the lines and filter ever 6000 miles or so, and make sure to avoid getting kinks in the lines. Something that can be considered is replacing the screw-type hose clamps with gentler snap-type clamps designed for high-pressure fuel injection lines – again, you can get these from Triumph for the 955i models. This will help prevent splits around the edges of the clamps. The o-rings on the disconnects are very easy to nick due to the design of the coupling (a very poor and fragile design that I curse often), and spares should always be kept handy because when they start leaking it’s a real pain in the ass.
Oil – obviously oil changes are important, but desmoquattros have an extra step in the process – check the strainer. The oil strainer is a gauze pickup that screws into the right hand side of the engine above the drain plug, and needs to be taken out every oil change to be cleaned and checked for metal flakes. Tiny amounts of metal or gasket material are signs of normal engine wear. Aluminum slivers, chrome flakes, or significant chunks of metal are bad news. The drain plug is magnetic and picks up swarf from the transmission, so it’s normal to find a few fingernail-clipping-like slivers of steel and steel fuzz. If you find a lot of steel material on the plug, either your shifting technique is atrocious or there might be something else going wrong…
Ducati says change the oil every 6000 miles. We say change it ever 2000-3000 (with new filter ever 6K), and always use synthetic.
What do I need to know about tuning?
Ducatis have a wide variety of tuning options available, with plenty of nifty parts to empty your wallet. Here are a few areas of note.
Exhaust – You can’t have an Italian v-twin without freeing the sound of Italian thunder. Aftermarket systems come in two forms – full systems (very rare and very pricey) and half systems (slip ons from the spaghetti pipes up, very common but still not cheap). Different models have different exhaust diameters, from 45mm up to a max of 57mm on race parts. Bigger diameter exhaust systems don’t necessarily help power, in fact a system that is too big for the motor tuning will just make it run horribly and sacrifice a significant amount of torque and midrange power. There is a sweet spot for each model, talk to a Ducati tuning expert about options. Even a half system will free a fair bit of horsepower – 5hp at the rear wheel is easily gained on a standard machine with a proper fuel map, more is possible by uncorking SP, SPS or R models.
EPROMs – These are one of the great features of Ducati superbikes. Weber-Marelli fuel injection systems (P7 [851/888], P8 [916 Strada], 1.6M [916 Biposto and Senna, 748, 996*]) store their fuel maps on a replaceable microchip called an EPROM. EPROMs range in price from 40$ for OEM items or copied aftermarket chips, right up to 250$ for calibrated, multi-trimmer aftermarket chips from specialists like Ultimap. Ditching the stock EPROM for even a basic unrestricted item (read: open exhaust pipe chip) will give a significant boost to the midrange and get rid of the 5000 rpm flat spot (put there for noise and emissions regulation testing). A new EPROM is a must if you replace the exhaust system, otherwise you will just hurt power delivery. Let your budget dictate what you want – a Ducati Performance open-pipe EPROM is cheap and will suffice for most street bikes, but if you want perfect fuelling you can always get a custom chip burned from dyno testing, or at least get a calibrated item from Ultimap.
* Single injector mod (996) – The 996 uses double fuel injectors, and they are known for being a pain in the ass. Stumbling, flat spots, and on-off hesitation is a problem with the 996 fuel system, but it can be fixed by disconnecting the two secondary injectors and installing a Senna open-pipe, single injector fuel map (Ducati Performance EPROM number 062) in the 1.6M ECU. Search the net for a step by step guide.
Intake – As I’ve already mentioned, the stock filters are your best bet for a compromise between air flow and engine protection. You will always get the best power from stock filters, as all EPROMs are tuned with stock filters in mind. If you are keen, BCM makes a modified in-the-runner filter setup, where oiled paper filters slide into brackets secured to the airbox openings. These filter better than the stock items, but they don’t solve the airbox seal problem, require airbox modification, and are expensive. In my professional opinion you should stick to stock filters, they are cheap and work well enough under most conditions.
Head work – One nice thing about 4V Ducatis is they feature hand-ported heads right from the factory. No japcrap port casting here, just smooth and perfectly ported intake and exhaust tracts. 996s are ported to RS superbike specification; earlier models are very good too. Combustion chambers are CNC machined, which gives a smooth combustion surface to improve fuel swirl and reduce hot spots that could lead to detonation. They are easy to polish to a mirror finish with some fine grit sandpaper and abrasive compound, something worth considering if you have the heads off for freshening up. So basically you don’t need to port the heads; if anything you might want to polish the exhaust tracts and combustion chambers, but leave the intakes alone, they are hard to improve upon.
Timing – Ducatis respond well to careful setup of the valve timing. This needs to be done by a pro with the right tools and the right ideas – different Ducati tuners recommend different timing specs. Sometimes just baselining the timing to factory recommended specs makes a significant difference; often the timing will be off a few degrees due to the loose tolerances of mass production.
Squish – Here again, mass production is working against you. Desmoquattros run at their optimum with about 1.00-1.05mm of squish, but most (except for a few hand built homologation specials like the 748R) are between 1.3 and 1.4 mm. On early bikes with a 1.2mm fibre head gasket, the easiest way to set squish is to remove the 0.3mm base gaskets and seal the barrels with Three Bond. If you don’t want to ditch the base gasket, you need to have the barrels shaved at a machine shop. On later models with a thinner head gasket and thicker base gasket, all you need to do is order some thinner base gaskets – on the 996, the base gaskets are 0.6mm thick, so you get 0.3mm items and you are set. Always make sure you check the squish properly, if you have less than 1.00 mm of clearance you will contact the head when the conrods stretch, causing catastrophic damage.
Cams – Lots of options are available for hot cams, 916/996 SPS items being the most popular. Standard 916-748-996s have identical cam profiles and are mostly interchangeable. VeeTwo makes billet high lift cams, and there are plenty of other aftermarket options. But always be aware of the drawbacks – you will lose low end and midrange power to gain top end, and higher lift mean more stress on the rockers and valve train. Plus your bike will need thorough tuning to optimize for the new cams. And they cost a heck of a lot on their own – cheapest I’ve seen is 1500$ for a set of stock SPS items.
Pistons – Once you’ve looked up the cost of a set of Ducati piston rings, you’ll understand why aftermarket forged high compression pistons are so popular – they cost little more than a set of OEM rings. There are drop in piston options for the stock bores, which is the simplest and cheapest way to up compression and power. If you want to overbore, 853 kits are available for the 748, 955 kits for the 916, and over 1000ccs is possible for a 996. But when you start messing with overbores, you are stressing the motor beyond its design and can seriously compromise reliability. Grenading motors are not an economical option for the street. It’s also advisable to rebalance the crank for different piston weights, and this means splitting the cases and generally going through a lot of trouble to do it properly – which a lot of people don’t. My advice is to avoid buying previously overbored bikes unless you reaaaaally trust the person who did it.
Flywheel – On 1.6M single-phase alternator bikes, the flywheel is a dead-weight item bolted onto the left hand side of the crankshaft – it isn’t used for timing purposes like most bikes (including the later three phase superbikes, as well as P8 computer’ed bikes). What this means is that you can completely remove the 2lb flywheel to drastically reduce rotating mass in the motor. This makes the motor rev hellishly fast – there is no more power than before, but throttle response will be really snappy and the bike will rev and reach the powerband a lot faster. Unfortunately this serious compromises the tractability and torque delivery of the motor, so unless you race or avoid slow riding entirely it’s not the best option.
Cranks – Crankshafts can be swapped between models to increase stroke for a gain in torque and power. Almost all Ducati cranks from 1992 on are similar in design, even the 2Vs are the same as the 4Vs. Obviously you need a piston with a higher deck height to compensate for the added stroke, otherwise you’ll end up with a ridiculously low compression ratio. Putting a 916/996 crank into a 748 will give you 803cc. Putting a 900SS/ST2 crank in will give you 827cc. A 900/ST2 crank in a 916 gives 944cc, in a 996 it gives 1026cc. This is just with stock Ducati cranks – aftermarket options are available too if your wallet can handle it.
Clutch – Oh where to begin. Needless to say, the dry clutch has limitless aftermarket options, from lightweight clutch baskets to anodized pressure plates and springs and all sorts of ventilated cover designs. Less weight is always good, to reduce the rotating mass of the engine/driveline, but alloy and aluminium components in the basket and clutch pack will reduce the longevity of the setup - the stock steel baskets and hubs can last indefinitely. Clutch packs will last anywhere from 3000 to 30 000 miles depending on how gentle you are on take off and how much stop and go riding you do. Some easy mods to do (that cost nothing) are removing two springs to reduce lever pull, removing the rubber gasket from the stock cover and spacing it with brass grommets (to let the noise out and air in to cool things), and routinely washing the clutch plates in mildly soapy water. Flip the friction plates over on a regular basis to even out the wear, it’s a simple way to eek out extra miles from the pricey clutch packs.
Suspension – the stock components on any superbike are above average to really good. As with any bike, you can always rebuild the shock with a spring for your weight or get new fork internals, but the stock stuff is pretty good for majority of riders. Usually what your bike got was determined by what was on the shelf when it was being assembled. For example, some base bikes got a trick Ohlin’s shock, others didn’t. In general, the components respond very well to careful setup, much more so than most Japanese hardware (cough Kayaba cough) which feels pretty much the same even after serious knob-twiddling. On everything except the base 748 models you get an adjustable steering head angle – this uses eccentric bearing races to adjust the steering head angle between 24.5 degrees (road) and 23.5 degrees (race). If you don’t know where yours is set, there is a quick check – see if you can lock the steering. In race mode, you can’t lock the steering head, in road mode you can. Also be certain the steering damper is correctly positioned – the rear mount is for road angle, the forward mount is for race angle. My former mechanic forgot to switch this after rebuilding my front end and I had a hell of a time trying to figure out why the bike kept pulling to the left slightly… There is also a rear shock linkage that can be adjusted to raise or lower the rear ride height. This should be left stock for most applications – that’s 261mms between the bearing centres. If you really want to sharpen up the steering, add 8-10mm of length to the rod, thought I don’t recommend it if you aren’t familiar with suspension setup.
There are plenty of other things you can do, just look through a Ducati Performance catalogue some time to see how many methods Ducati has devised for emptying your wallet.
So why do I want one if it is this much trouble?
Well, the million-dollar question is always why do we chose a finicky, high maintenance, fragile Italian machine over a more reliable, faster Japanese machine. The fact is, these bikes are unlike anything else on the road. They were legends in their own time, they were championship-winning racers, and they offer some of the most fantastic feedback and feel you will ever experience on a motorbike. The steel trellis chassis transmits road feel unlike anything else, and the suspension components are top quality items, even on the base models. Handling and road holding is fantastic, even 13 years after being introduced. The engine is smooth, and the power pulses of the big v-twin are easy to manage compared to the tyre-spinning thrust of a four cylinder. Ducatis are mostly hand-built, even today, and a lot of attention goes into the details. Despite their flaws, the motors are very solid and can handle a lot of power when maintained properly. And having one of the most beautiful bikes of all time doesn’t sound bad does it? To be frank, we bought our bikes with our hearts, not with our heads. If you really want one, it doesn’t matter what the flaws are. They are brilliant machines and us owners are a nutty, die-hard lot.
Flux Capacitor Servicing on All Ducati Motorcycle Models
Ever wondered why your Italian vehicle seems to malfunction at the worst possible time? Now you know, thanks to this recently uncovered service bulletin.
I.A
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Ducati Motor SPa
Service Bulletin 101.339B - Flux Capacitor Malfunctions in L-Twin and Single Cylinder models
Affecting: All models 1947-present, excluding Indiana 350 and 650
There have been increasing complaints to Ducati service departments regarding a variety of mechanical and electrical issues arising without warning in Ducati motorcycles of various models and production years. After evaluating various complaints, we have determined that a program of voluntary warranty service should be performed on the flux capacitor mechanism found on all Ducati models produced since 1947 (excluding Indiana 350 and 650 models).
The flux capacitor, illustrated below, is usually located in the vicinity of the cockpit, but may also be installed in the fuel tank, above the shock mounts, or inside of the tyre tubes, depending on the year of production. A list of mounting points for various models is attached.
Symptoms of flux capacitor malfunction include loud rattling noises coming from the right hand engine case on dry-clutch equipped models, electrical malfunctions on all models, inexplicable stalling, inability to start the bike and the worst possible times (ie on the morning of an important ride or event, or while being observed by an attractive member of the opposite sex, or after knocking over a Harley Davidson outside a bar in a rough area of town), erratic neutral light function, heavy clutch pull, flaking chrome surfacing on valve rockers in desmoquattro models, crankshaft galley plug backout in pre-2001 models, uncomfortable seating position on all models excluding Multistrada and STs, and the inexplicable attraction of passers by who will make inane comments such as "Is that the new Harley/Buell?", "What's that noise?", or "Does Ferrari make them Doo-caaat-eees?".
Servicing the flux capacitor requires service tool 001.555.9910483-B, FLXCAP Tensioning and Removal Unit B. To perform the service on Indiana models without the flux capacitor, use service tool 001.554.6674632-A, 5 Pound Sledgehammer.
Begin the service by assuring the customer the service will not take more than an hour, and that you know precisely what the problem is without elaborating on what it might be. Proceed to make a work order under the heading "General Service" under category C, noting the symptoms that the customer illustrated.
Proceed by placing the bike in the back of the service bay out of sight of the customer. Take the FLXCAP tool and use it to prepare espressos for the technician(s) assigned to the service. Sit near a window or bay door and drink the espresso while observing attractive members of the opposite sex passing by. Insert comments regarding the quality of their posterior, and the likelihood that you would engage in copulation with the observed in question.
Wait at least three hours before finishing the work order. Scribble incomprehensible gibberish on the order and stain it with oil and grease for effect. When the customer returns, tell them it was more serious than expected and the service took longer than initially quoted, and take the time to remind them that the shop is not liable for differences between estimates and actual labour done. When asked what the problem was, respond flippantly by saying "oh, it happens to all of those models, it's just a loose connection in the (mutter something incomprehensible here) harness, it's working perfectly now". Before delivering the bike back to the customer have a technician rub grease on the bodywork and place fingerprints on any clear plastic items.
IF the customer continues to complain about symptoms, simply explain in a calm tone "It's a Ducati, they do that."
Appendix A: Identifying and Verifying Function of Flux Capacitor
Identifying the flux capacitor unit is straightforward. Various supplier changes and technological advancements over the last few decades mean that current flux capacitors are usually small enough to be integrated seamlessly into the wiring circuit. To locate these hidden units, look for the following symbol and follow the appropriate colour-coded wiring.
On pre-1985 models the flux capacitor was of the wound-coil static-resistance type, with a central encabulation module to regulate the flow of nofer-trunnion amperage variations. It is easily identified by the periodic release of smoke from its wiring harness on startup.
To verify the function of the pre-1985 flux capacitor, take a high amperage voltmeter and connect the sensors to the mauve and purple terminal posts of the flux capacitor. Under normal conditions, wound-coil type flux capacitors should show a nominal resistance of 1.21-1.30 jiggawatts; under 1.15 jiggawatts is considered insufficient for maintaining the operation of the system, and the unit's adjustment spline should be turned until the correct amperage is attained. A discharge of over 1.35 jiggawatts indicates a serious malfunction in the regulation of nofer-trunnions, and if you survive the voltmeter test you should immediately replace the flux capacitor.
Post-1985 models will display an error code on the dash when the flux capacitor amperage is outside of the normal range. You can identify this code by counting the number of times out of 10 the neutral light functions. 7 failures of the light per 10 cycles indicates service code 776, flux capacitor hypercharge, 8 failures per 10 cycles indicates code 777, flux capacitor radus coil undercharge.
Appendix B: Location on Various Models
Flux capacitor location varies according to model and year of production, as well as the amount of grappa ingested by assembly line workers at the point of production. Post-1985 models will have the flux capacitor identified according to the symbol and colour code outlined in Appendix A, but on pre-1985 models the flux capacitor unit must be located by the technician. Here is a list of common locations for the flux capacitor unit on popular pre-1985 Ducati models.
Single Cylinder Models:
Narrow case (125, 160, 200 overhead cam models): Usually the flux capacitor can be found in the headlamp circuit. Identification is difficult due to the lack of colour coding in any of the wiring harnesses on these early models. Simply look for signs of overheating or scorching in the wiring harness and the flux capacitor should be located nearby.
Wide case (250, 350, 450, excluding desmo models): The flux capacitor will be installed inside the rear tyre tube of these models. As a result the service of these flux capacitor units should include the replacement of the air in the tyres; explain to the customer that fresh air is needed in the tyres to maintain optimal roadholding.
Single cylinder desmo models: The flux capacitor is located in the bevel shaft of the overhead cam drive. These models used an experimental design of flux capacitor that utilized the rotation of the bevel shaft for the generation of ionic fields. As a result undetectable oscillations through the valvetrain creates a tendency for the valves to easily work out of clearance, usually creating clearances that cannot be corrected by the shims on hand, forcing a trip to the dealership and a subsequent wait while the correct shims are shipped on the slow boat from Bologna.
L-Twin Models:
Bevel drive overhead cam L-Twins (750S, 750SS, 900SS, Darmah, Mille, Mike Hailwood Replica): On models with fiberglass fuel reservoirs, the flux capacitor will be located inside the fuel cell. Generally locating any leaks or seepage of fuel through the joints of the tank can identify its location. On models with metal fuel tanks the flux capacitor is integrated into the kickstart gear, and has a tendency to cause violent kickback when persons unfamiliar with kickstarting Ducatis attempt to start the bike. On models with “electric start” the flux capacitor is in fact what masquerades for the electric starting motor. It serves no function in starting the bike.
Air cooled belt-driven overhead cam L-twins (350, 500, 650 Pantah and all variants before 1985): On early belt driven air cooled models, the flux capacitor is located in the primary gear of the camshaft belt drive pulley. Like early desmo single cylinder models, the oscillations created by the rotation of the flux capacitor have a tendency to unbalance the harmonic resonance of the cam belt system, usually leading to catastrophic cam belt failures shortly after the bike is sold to a new owner.
Please note that Indiana 350 and 650 models do not have flux capacitor units; as such they should not be considered true Ducati motorcycles. Any attempts to publicize or draw attention to Indianas should be terminated with extreme prejudice using the procedures outlined in Service Bulletin 101.559R – Selective Company Memory and Enforcement of the Ducati Code of Silence..
A new day, another g**damn blog
It's a bright new day on the interwebs. And a damn cold day in Montreal. Today begins the new blog from perennial curmudgeon and spewer of bile, Iosef Andreyevich. Of course that is not my real name, but I hope you would have guessed that by this point. I prefer to hide my madness behind a nom de plume so that potential employers, government agents, and alien crocodiles don't discover my true identity and haul me off to the nearest rehabilitation centre.
This blog, like many other shitty collections of miscellaneous rants, will be a monument to the workings of my twisted mind. I will make an effort to entertain, to enrage, and to make you, silly browsers, think critically about the world around you. Seems to me that critical thinking got lost sometime around the birth of Al Gore, so I am taking it upon myself to propagate the dissenting view, the other side, and the general musings of an unbalanced mind. But don't look for conspiracy and rumour here, dear readers - no, it's my mission to maintain academic integrity and use the tools of truth and doubt to inform the masses (my own hubris notwithstanding).
So enjoy, you poor rubes. I hereby christen this blog with the only untrademarked name I could find - I present to you Turkey Bollocks, the collected insanity of Iosef Andreyevich. Enjoy, you lousy pig fuckers. And get used to the cursing.
Yours in madness and anger,
I.A.
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